I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
