my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
