it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
