Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I love you. Go after that dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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