Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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