david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
