Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
