In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
