do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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