Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
