foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I just sharted jello shots
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
