My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
