you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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