You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
