Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
