I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
