Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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