Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
