Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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