They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
