Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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