I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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