I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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