your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
