Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age