she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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