You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.