My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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