also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
