Got a toothbrush?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
