Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
