perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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