Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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