having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
