we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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