i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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