I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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