Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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