I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
