so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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