finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
