before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
