how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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