eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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