garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
