i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
