fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
