she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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