god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
