I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sarcasm needs its own font
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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