So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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