i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
