Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
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She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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