Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
