Kiss
Puke
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
