Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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