Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
