You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
