God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
