Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
