Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
