Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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