fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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