my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
