Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
