Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
